Dear Austin...

Today you turned 10.

And even though you may never realize this because a.) you are male and can't give birth or b.) because you are male, period; but a child's birthday is a celebration of motherhood.

I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. I happened to be baking a wedding cake for our friends Cathy and Rick on Valentine's Day 1997. I had bought the pregnancy test along with some ingredients for the frosting - no, they were not in the same aisle!- and took the test between frosting layers that night. (And, yes I washed my hands.)

The 2 lines appeared almost immediately, and I ran into our bedroom to announce the news to your dad who was already sleeping. He grunted something and rolled back over. Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for, but he was always grumpy if I woke him up for anything other than sex. Umm... anyway...

I remember my pregnancy with you as being the time in my life when I felt most alive. Growing a human inside of you is an amazing experience that, unfortunately, you won't ever get to have. But if you ever do decide to get married and have children (in that order please,) find ways to be involved with your wife and your shared pregnancy.

I could write a book about all the 'firsts' we experienced together. You have taught me more about what I am capable of than a thousand college courses. Being your mom is the best and hardest job I have ever had or will ever have... and I look forward to the next 10 years.

You are one of the coolest people I know and you have the best laugh. When something strikes you as funny, your dimples pucker instantly, your teeth show, and your eyes light up before you tilt your head back, look up and then shut them tight with your mouth wide open. Almost like the humor of whatever is making you laugh is going to explode right through them if you don't. If I can ever get it on tape I will add it here.

We haven't had the easiest year this year, but I am so proud of you and how you've handled yourself and the situation. You aren't afraid to show your feelings, cry or let your mom hug and kiss you in front of all your friends. You tell me all the time that you love me - just out of the blue... and I love that so much.

So Happy Birthday Austin. Thank you for making me a Mom.
Love, Mommy