Blessings and breadsticks

I fed a homeless man last night.

I wasn't going to tell anyone, since it was a private decision, but I do wish I had had my kids with me so that they could have seen how easy and painless it can be to help someone in need.

My brother was in town and at home with them when I went out to go pick up the pizza for dinner. Funny that we had had a conversation earlier in the day about the sad state of our country and how as we have grown older we don't feel like we can make a difference anymore. So as I drove past this man sitting on the corner with his sign "homeless and hungry," that conversation with my brother replayed in my head. The thought did cross my mind that he maybe wasn't homeless or hungry, but as I picked up my pizza I also picked up an order of bread and a cold bottle of water for him anyway.

When I drove back past him, another car was already pulled over and handing him two slices of pizza! So with my garlic bread and water, he ended up with a nice meal. He was very appreciative, but I was the one who was ultimately blessed.

So many people have helped me this year. People I know and ones who choose to remain anonymous. It feels good to give back a little.

Imagine if we all did that once a day everyday...

Dear Austin...

Today you turned 10.

And even though you may never realize this because a.) you are male and can't give birth or b.) because you are male, period; but a child's birthday is a celebration of motherhood.

I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant with you. I happened to be baking a wedding cake for our friends Cathy and Rick on Valentine's Day 1997. I had bought the pregnancy test along with some ingredients for the frosting - no, they were not in the same aisle!- and took the test between frosting layers that night. (And, yes I washed my hands.)

The 2 lines appeared almost immediately, and I ran into our bedroom to announce the news to your dad who was already sleeping. He grunted something and rolled back over. Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for, but he was always grumpy if I woke him up for anything other than sex. Umm... anyway...

I remember my pregnancy with you as being the time in my life when I felt most alive. Growing a human inside of you is an amazing experience that, unfortunately, you won't ever get to have. But if you ever do decide to get married and have children (in that order please,) find ways to be involved with your wife and your shared pregnancy.

I could write a book about all the 'firsts' we experienced together. You have taught me more about what I am capable of than a thousand college courses. Being your mom is the best and hardest job I have ever had or will ever have... and I look forward to the next 10 years.

You are one of the coolest people I know and you have the best laugh. When something strikes you as funny, your dimples pucker instantly, your teeth show, and your eyes light up before you tilt your head back, look up and then shut them tight with your mouth wide open. Almost like the humor of whatever is making you laugh is going to explode right through them if you don't. If I can ever get it on tape I will add it here.

We haven't had the easiest year this year, but I am so proud of you and how you've handled yourself and the situation. You aren't afraid to show your feelings, cry or let your mom hug and kiss you in front of all your friends. You tell me all the time that you love me - just out of the blue... and I love that so much.

So Happy Birthday Austin. Thank you for making me a Mom.
Love, Mommy

'The path of rejection'

My coffee tastes like shit today... but I knew it would before I had the first sip.

Since it looks like I may have some free time in the mornings now, I decided to re-vamp my resume for the second time this year and rev up the job search whilst I still have a job. But how do you make this attractive to a potential employer?

40 year old, single mother of 2, former stay-at-home mom whose previous career has changed so much it's unrecognizable. Wishes someone would pay her to edit blogs for typos, grammar, and content. Great at giving advice and solving problems...

Well... everyone's but her own.

One sucky day at a time...

Yesterday I chatted with a friend who I hadn't talked to in a while. She was surprised to see me on line and unfortunately for her, asked me how I was doing.

I've had better days. I haven't had a lot of good days this year... but I recall a day or two back in 2005 that were kick-ass!

Anyway... so I told her I was having a pity-party kind of day. A day when you totally realize how much your life sucks. She tried to convince me that my life didn't suck. Even said that she LIKED my life! (Now that I think back, she may have been medicated... or coming down with something. yeah.) It was a valiant and sweet effort. She's a good friend.

One of the things in my life that sucks and that I can actually talk about is my job. Jobs in this area (like a lot of places) are slim pickins.

Because I am a single mom of 2 kids and I STILL don't want to put my children in day or after school care, I have two part-time jobs that fit my/our schedule and lets me be their mom. The problem is that neither job offers insurance, and both don't pay a whole helluva lot.

Since I can't count on my soon-to-be-ex for ANY money, I know that I am close to finding myself in some serious financial trouble if I don't do something soon.

My friend suggested that I start a blog.

"And write about what? How much my life sucks?"

"Yep," she said.

So I spent some time last night thinking about what she said. That people like reading all kinds of stuff. Which I know is true, because I read lots of blogs about stuff. Just stuff... no real niche... just life. And maybe I read them because I am looking for something to help me, or maybe... just maybe, their life might suck a little more than mine that day.

So I am reviving this blog as I continue to think about her suggestion. I can't sleep... might as well blog. But I may have come up with an idea as a niche blog that could work for me... I'll let you know, so watch this space. heh

Ugh... my alarm just went off. Another sucky day has officially begun.

Three Things...

Three things that scare me:
1:	not being able to provide for my kids
2:	dying alone
3:	clowns
Three people who make me laugh:
1:	my kids
2:	Michelle
3:	Nicci
Three Things I love:
1:	being in love
2:	thunderstorms
3:	coffee
Three Things I hate:
1:	abuse of any kind
2:	dentists
3:	at this moment? my life
Three things I don't understand:
1:	why I can't stop crying
2:	how someone can intentionally hurt a child
3:	fax machines
Three things on my desk:
1:	a drawing by my daughter
2:	unfortunately a non-alcoholic drink
3:	a small sand dollar
Three things I'm doing right now:
1:	um... typing ;o)
2:	wishing I didn't have to work tonight
3:	wishing a lot of things actually
Three things I want to do before I die:
1:	see the northern lights
2:	live in the mountains
3:	feel secure in a relationship
Three things I can do:
1:	make people smile
2:	stay at the Waldorf-Astoria for free
3:	make great waffles
Three ways to describe my personality:
1:	spirited
2:	strong
3:	outgoing
Three things I can't do:
1:	keep my house clean
2:	hulahoop
3:	be on time
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Procrastination

This is so me it isn't even funny!
Thanks Dave!

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.